Identity Crisis

I am ashamed to admit it, but I have to. I have had a bit of an identity crisis over the past few weeks, where Hints of Hope is concerned. Is this the reason I have been distant in the past several weeks? Partly. Not totally, but partly. So, here I am. Finally making time to sit down for a short while to plunk it all out for you. And as I sit here on this couch (of which I had to use 3 whole sticky layers of my mega-sized lint roller to roll the dog hair away), a few of my very favorite things are right in eye's view:

1. My coffee. [I'm onto Dunkin' Donuts lately, so I ran through the drive-thru on my way home this afternoon.]

2. My Bible.

3. A Jan Karon book that I am praying I have time for today.

3. A fire. I don't care if it's March 2. It's cold out there, darn it!

4. And this ... which absolutely cannot be described in words:

Too cute. Elenoir [known to most as 'Ellie,' though to others simply as 'Crazy Dog'], was spayed last Monday morning. It has been quite the venture attempting to keep her still and restful throughout the past week, though I must admit not as horrible as anticipated. We took her to the vet to have her sutures removed today. Bless her heart, she is still such a puppy. Which is to be expected - She just turned 1 year old this past December. I have absolutely convinced myself that children ... will be less work. Is that terrible that I have that mentality? Comparing my experience of raising a dog, to raising a child? Probably. I will spare you the details, but I'll give you one short example just for you to get the gist: 65 pound dog crawling on your [umm] head. At 6:00 a.m. Morning ritual. All this being said, I love her very much. My husband would, and will, beg to differ. And to that, this is my rebuttal: Without her, I would never have met you, my darling. [That story is for another day.] And so, how could I not love her and be forever grateful for her little spazzy, puppy life?

Point being: I love these days. Days like this when I can sit on the couch with my little family and spend time with them, even if they're taking a nap. Just knowing we're all here together is so special, such a gift from God. You see, my husband and I have very different schedules than most people. I typically work weekends, and though he has a fairly flexible schedule, it is not often that we have a day like this to spend together. We have our evenings together, but you know how weeknight evenings can be. But today for some reason, he's home with me on my day off and I am so thankful for this short afternoon together.

Alright, so back to the identity crisis. It started with my own life's distractions. Balancing work, home, ministry, friends, etc. It has all been very much a transition - A very good one, but a very difficult one. Difficult in the sense that God has really had to teach me how important time management is. And difficult in this sense as well: I am a complete wreck without time with my Creator God each day. Yep. A complete wreck. No embellishing needed :)

What happens when I get distracted and insanely busy, is that I run harder and faster than ever. It's probably annoying to absolutely everyone around me. Pretty soon, I'm exhausted and have nothing left to give - I'm left annoyed [primarily at myself] because I cannot for the life of me find time to focus my attempts on what God has called me to focus my free time upon. And for those of you who feel called by God to commit to a certain area of ministry or service, you know what I'm speaking of - It's a deep conviction that pries at your heart and soul.

And in the midst of this struggle of finding time for everything, Hints of Hope fell of the radar. I began to struggle with the purpose of this blog, the future of this blog, the impact of this blog ... And so I've had to re-evaluate a little bit. And this is my heart, regarding Hints of Hope:

1. Hints of Hope began as a trial. A friend of mine asked me to do it. It began at a time when Jesus had my fullest attention - I was single and in waiting - both for my future husband, as well for God's direction in ministry. Little did I know that God was opening a door for ministry through a little blog called Hints of Hope. I do not know who reads it, and I don't want to know how many read it. I have received so many emails from readers - many who do not even leave comments - who are blessed by a verse shared or an issue discussed. Ladies, this is my heart. Just to see women transformed and changed, challenged and encouraged, satisfied and fulfilled, by Jesus through His Word. Please keep those emails coming. Not because I want to give myself a pat on the back - Much different than that. Because I so long to see much made of Jesus. I so love hearing how He has used a passage or truth in Scripture, to challenge and encourage you. That is the heart of Hints of Hope - Allowing His Word to transform our lives as women of the Word.

2. Hints of Hope is a little bit of me, and a whole lot of Him. Now and then, I may share a funny or silly story with you about something that has happened in my life. Mainly just so you know there is an actual person behind this computer screen: A real actual flawed human being. A woman you can most certainly relate to. One who is bound to make you feel better about yourself due to the most out of the ordinary situations she finds herself in. There is nothing exciting about me. In fact, this has been a big part of this particular identity struggle. I don't want this blog to be about me. I want it to be about Him. Interestingly enough, He recently reminded me that a long time ago [and much to my previous dismay], He called me into the business [and I use that term loosely] of ministering to other women. Before I fully even knew what in the world 'women's ministry' meant. And a part of ministering to women, is talking about [ugh] me sometimes. Even when I don't really want to. And that's my own pride and insecurity all wrapped up into one - But not to worry - I assure you that God is dealing with this issue in my life during this very season. Yay.

3. Hints of Hope is about you. Whoever you are :) What suggestions do you have to make Hints of Hope more interactive? We are working on our look, which will hopefully give us some more opportunity - Perhaps an e-devotional sign up will be on the way, a prayer request sign-up, etc. What other suggestions do you have? Email Hintsofhope@gmail.com with any suggestions or feedback.

We are back on track, girls. Just some growing pains. Thank you for bearing with me through it. So goodbye, Identity Crisis. We now have been reminded of who we are over here in Hints of Hope world.

And one last thing. Hopefully a small piece of encouragement for you today [Or in 3 months when you read this, because you thought I fell off the planet]. I have this little book near my desk at work called Master What Matters. It was a suggested read from our CEO at work. I have yet to read the entire thing, but I keep it near my desk so that I have to look at the title often [and so that I will be motivated to finish reading it]: Master What Matters. What a principle to apply to our lives!

What is God calling you to focus on in your life? Is it your marriage, your friendships, your church, a particular area in ministry, a new job, your children? Whatever He has prompted your heart to focus on, as Isaiah 1:18 so boldly admonishes: "consent and obey," sweet friend. God will bless you in your promptness to obey. He will not bless our procrastination. And then master it. Master what matters. Do the very thing He has placed upon your heart - And do it well, to His glory. And I will, as well ...

"But now God has placed the members, each one of them,

in the body, just as He desired."

~ 1 Corinthians 12:18 ~

"But one and the same Spirit works all these things,

distributing to each one individually just as He wills."

~ 1 Corinthians 12:11 ~

I love the Hints of Hope girls!